Steven Wright
When you shoot a mime, should you use blanks ?
I make wine at home. I make it out of raisins so that it will be aged automatically.
If you didn't know me, would you think I was a stranger ?
What's another word for thesaurus ?
I can levitate birds, but nobody cares.
No matter where you go, there you are.
Whenever I think of the past it just brings back so many memories.
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You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
The best leader brings out the best in those he has stewardship over.
Whenever you find whole world against you just turn around and lead the world.
I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too !
True love can not be found where it truly does not exist, Nor can it be hidden where it truly does.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.
Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war, love is a growing up
We will act consistently with our view of who we truly are, whether that view is accurate or not.
I have said nothing because there is nothing I can say that would describe how I feel as perfectly as you deserve it.
You can't express every feeling that you have every moment that you have them.
Whatever our souls are made up, his and mine are the same.
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
Where love is concerned, too much is not even enough.
Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.
Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value.
The great accomplishments of man have resulted from the transmission of ideas and enthusiasm.
Forget about it.
And let it spring from love, born out of concern for all beings.
Be the ball.
I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor.
But we can not avoid conflict, conflict with society, other individuals and with oneself. Conflicts may be the sources of defeat, lost life and a limitation of our potentiality but they may also lead to greater depth of living and the birth of more far-reaching unities, which flourish in the tensions that engender them.
I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love.
If you refuse to accept anything but the best you very often get it.
Help me ! Help me !
Love is like swallowing hot chocolate, before it has cooled off. It takes you by surprise at first, but keeps you warm for a long time.
Go before the people with your example, and be laborious in their affairs.
It is in the small decisions you and I make every day that create our destiny.
Work spares us from three evils boredom, vice, and need.
A life without love in it is like a heap of ashes upon a deserted hearth, with the fire dead, the laughter stilled and the light extinguished.
You might well remember that nothing can bring you success but yourself.
In order to grasp the reality, we must see the possibilities. In the present, a formulation of the possibilities is the area in which I gain uncertainty concerning what I decide, without a vision of the possibilities, I act blindly, only a knowledge of the possibilities enables me to know what I am actually doing.
Winners never quit and quitters never win !
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Happy wife, happy life.
Live life with passion.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results
It is literally true that you can succeed best and quickest by helping others to succeed.
It's always darkest before the dawn.
L-I-V-E ! Live ! Otherwise, you got nothing to talk about in the locker room.
That love is all there is is all we know of love.
Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
Your talent is God's gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God.
When you arrive at your future, will you blame your past ?
When you work, work, and when you play, play, dont get the two mixed up
It is not length of life, but depth of life.
It's like, I became such a good person, I almost forgot... I'm a world class liar, baby !
You can't have a better tomorrow if you are thinking about yesterday all the time.
Resentment or grudges do no harm to the person against whom you hold these feelings but every day and every night of your life, they are eating at you.
Success in life has nothing to do with what you gain in life or accomplish for yourself. It's what you do for others.
You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you do not try.
It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.
Teachers have three loves, love of learning, love of learners, and the love of bringing the first two loves together.
Friendship doubles joy and halves grief.
Yes, it used to be beautiful -- what with the rackets, whoring, guns.
Success means doing the best we can with what we have. Success is the doing, not the getting ; in the trying, not the triumph. Success is a personal standard, reaching for the highest that is in us, becoming all that we can be.
You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.
How we spend our days is of course how we spend our lives.
Don't waste yourself in rejection, nor bark against the bad, but chant the beauty of the good.
Whenever I get the energy to exercise, I sit down until it passes.
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take
The point is that you can't be too greedy.
There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. That little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative.
A good general not only sees the way to victory , he also knows when victory is impossible.
Determine that the thing can and shall be done, and then we shall find the way.
Well, here's another nice mess you've gotten me into !
She had been forced into prudence in her youth, she learned romance as she grew older - the natural sequence of an unnatural beginning.
How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg ? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.
Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt and dance like no one is watching
Life is but a moment, death also is but another.
Giving people a little more than they expect is a good way to get back more than you'd expect.
Happiness is not a destination. It is a method of life.
Happiness can be defined, in part at least, as the fruit of the desire and ability to sacrifice what we want now for what we want eventually.
Life is not accountable to us. We are accountable to life.
The best way out is always through.
The intelligent man is one who has successfully fulfilled many accomplishments, and is still willing to learn more.
All love shifts and changes. I don't know if you can be wholeheartedly in love all the time.
You may conquer with the sword, but you are conquered by a kiss.
Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could do only a little.
There are those who give with joy, and that joy is their reward.
This one step, choosing a goal and sticking to it, changes everything.
The only job where you start at the top, is digging a hole.
Love as much as you can from wherever you are.
Challenges are what make life interesting , overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.
Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.
Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.
Try to be happy in this present moment, and put not off being so to a time to come, as though that time should be of another make from this which has already come and is ours.
Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.
A coward gets scared and quits. A hero gets scared, but still goes on.
Where is there dignity unless there is honesty ?
Indecision is the seedling of fear.
You learn as much from those who have failed as from those who have succeeded.
That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I keep getting older, they stay the same age.
Understanding can overcome any situation, however mysterious or insurmountable it may appear to be.
Man's mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions.
Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid.
In everything the ends well defined are the secret of durable success.
Just because we increase the speed of information doesn't mean we can increase the speed of decisions. Pondering, reflecting and ruminating are undervalued skills in our culture.
The empires of the future are the empires of the mind.
Happiness depends more on the inward disposition of mind than on outward circumstances.